Now adays everyone is about self-love and acceptance. But I just can’t grasp it. I’m not comfortable in my own skin to love myself. As a Partner with Pure Romance, I try and be as positive as I can but sometimes, I just can’t even put a smile on my face.
I mentioned a lot of physical features that I hate about my appearance. I also have a lot of dark spaces in my mental capacity that could use some love. Since I had kids, my body has not been the same. But I swear, the day I hit thirty, I just felt the difference. And with one kid under my belt, I felt defeated.
Before I gave birth to my first daughter, Avory, I was an average of 155 lbs. Before Avory, there were times when I lived off coffee, Red Bull and hotel breakfast scraps which would settle my weight around 150. Then there would be weeks that I would be able to eat three meals a day, order in, snack all day and consume so much alcohol I didn’t care about a thing which would put me closer to 160. Regardless of what I consumed, my ass was round (tiny but round), my chest was still perky, my stomach was never flat but I didn’t have this mom belly, my skin was normal, my hair wasn’t falling out, my thighs were actually a sexy feature, and I had energy!
In all honesty, I never thought I was even going to have kids. I would hold babies like how Rachel holds Ben in Friends. Out away from my body like I was going to catch something from it 🤣
After I gave birth to Avory and my body finally settled, I really started to hate my body. I averaged the weight I am now. I’m stuck around this 185. This is what happened last time when I was Weight Watchers. I was stuck in the 180’s for a while. I was still tracking and still running so I never had a significant gain. But once I broke out of 180, it was like the pounds melted off and next thing I knew I was at 160.
But I didn’t start Weight Watchers after Avory. I kind of, sort of became comfortable in the weight I was at, and I always made the excuse that there was never time for me to exercise or take care of myself. It wasn’t until after my second daughter, Emma, that shot me into the 200’s that made me really uncomfortable. I was getting winded just going up and down the stairs. My body finally settled at 217 lbs. I always told myself that I would never allow myself to weigh over 200. Be there I was. Nothing fit. Leggings were uncomfortable. Shoes were too tight. Hoodies! Hoodies were too snug. I hated it more than ever.
So I made the decision I needed to lose the weight and get in shape for Avory and Emma. Not even myself. I stopped taking pictures of myself. I made sure I was never in a picture. If Angel ever got a picture of me, I’d make sure he deleted it. I hated seeing myself. I started Weight Watchers June 1, 2019. I even tracked my points when I was in Puerto Rico for a week! AND I woke up every day and ran! I never ever thought I would do such a thing. But I was just over a month in and went from 217 to 189. The first 20 or so pounds fell off fast.
By the end of October, I was at 160. Just 10 pounds shy of my goal weight 150. It was extremely easy to put the weight back on. And I hated every bite. But I love food. And sweets. And I have two kids that when they don’t finish their chicken nuggets, I would consume them or the ice cream or the candy or the mac and cheese or the pasta.
SO, that is more of my weight loss journey. Now I am at 189 and my goal weight is 150 again. I’m tracking every crumb or drop that I consume. Once I start running again, I know I’ll feel even better. Let’s be more positive with the next post, huh?
Say what you want about the program or that I just need to eat healthier or drop the carbs, no sweets, stop all that fast food, just exercise, blah blah blah. It’s harder than that for a lot of people. I love food. Chocolate is my kryptonite and was my demise with my first go with Weight Watchers. My goal is to see that number on the scale. I want to step on the scale and 150. Today was my first day back at tracking my points and it was an even 189 (so technically I have 39 lbs. to go 😉). Nonetheless, it’s still a big chunk.
Let me share my first journey with Weight Watchers. I started June 1, 2019 and my last day before I lost control was October 31,2019. I lost 57 lbs. in 5 months. I started at 217 and my last weigh in, with a weight loss, was 160. I was just 10 measly pounds from my goal weight. I worked that program every day. I learned how to eat healthy and how to prepare a healthy meal. Tracked every little thing that I ate and drank (yes, all the wine too!). Very seldom did I go over my points. The only week I went over was the week we went to Puerto Rico. I ate and drank what I wanted, but I still tracked my points and exercised. The beginning was hard. Trying to balance what I can eat and what I shouldn’t.
(If you are one of the many that reached out about weight loss as one of your goals, I’ll have some goodies listed at the end.)
So what happened? It was Halloween. We had ALOT of extra candy. I hadn’t eaten milk chocolate in FIVE MONTHS. I came to really enjoy dark chocolate, but you definitely need to give it some time. There was a Take Five (actually a whole bag of snack size Take Fives.) I thought, “One can’t hurt.” Well, the whole bag later, I found myself in the candy aisle at Target the next day buying another bag of Take Fives. It was all downhill from there. I just couldn’t get back on track no matter how hard I tried. Then, Covid. I couldn’t run anymore because the girl’s day care was closed. In fact, everything was closed, and everyone was scared to leave their homes. Fast forward 2 years, and here we are.
January 3, 2022, is my first day back at tracking and hushing that little voice that says, another Hershey Kiss won’t hurt. Oh, my darling, but it will. Hershey Kisses are only 1 pt. each by the way. Just be careful with quantity because 7 kisses are 10 pts. If you are on a weight loss journey too, leave a comment so we can cheer each other on! On the WW App, my username is gs_spot. You got this!💪 We got this.
Here are some tips I learned along the way: ▪️ A gain is not a bad thing. Just remember, stay on track and stay focused the next week. ▪️ Sweet Tooth? Late night snacker? Fiber One Soft Baked Bars will be your best friend. Only 2 pts. each. ▪️ Cheese? A slice of Velveeta is only 1 pt. and WW has their own string cheese. A great snack for that boredom snacking time. ▪️ TRACK EVERYTHING. Don’t be afraid to track. ▪️ Don’t think twice about scanning everything in the grocery store! Who gives a f*ck what other people think? You aren’t doing this for their validation. You aren’t doing this to feel confidently naked in front of them. You aren’t doing this so they are healthier. You are doing this for you. So scan scan scan! ▪️ It’s not a diet. It’s a lifestyle change. ▪️ Drink water. Make sure you stay hydrated. ▪️ Bread? Pepperidge Farm Light Style Soft Wheat, only 2 pts. for 2 slices. ▪️ The Connect Community is a great source for encouragement, friendship, tips and tricks. ▪️ Set goals. One goal is when I hit 170, I’m treating myself to the Cheesecake Factory. Yeaaaaa 😊 ▪️ You receive little charms when you hit certain milestones. The first 5 lb one you get is an incredible motivator.